Letters Srila Prabhupada Didn't Write
BY: HASYA MUKHI DEVI DASI
Dec 02, 2010 — USA (SUN) —
To: GALVA Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association
My dear members of the Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association,
Please accept my blessings. I have read the just wonderfully, superbly fabulouso article about your organization and I am so pleased that you have come to this point of enlightenment. Yes, tolerance means that as Vaishnavas we must tolerate any such activities as you deem proper and we thank you for bringing us to this point. It is correct that although this body is a bag of stool and urine, still there is much enjoyment in this body for people like you. Sense gratification is one of the great secrets of the universe. You are all rare mahatmas for discovering this esoteric philosophy of rampant enjoyment which is so elusive, even to wise philosophers. And of course it is correct, that this is one of a devotee's qualifications: "a Vaishnava is gay." Fab!
Therefore I approve that only members of GALVA may enjoy the waste products of this material body with various forms of perverse illicit sex unlimitedly. Before your bodies are turned into the stool of dogs and worms, by all means you must squeeze as much pleasure as possible out of them. After all, everything must be used in service, and as philosophers we must ask ourselves why have this wonderful ejectamenta and yellow discharge been produced if you cannot have some fun with them? So please eat it and drink it to your hearts' content.
Yes, I have seen the article "Men of Faith" now on that bastion of Vaishnava enlightenment, Chakra.org. I was so charmed with the simply adorable and cuddly cute picture of the founder of GALVA in the astute Indian journal Pink Pages. Yes, it is wonderful that CHAKRA has given the link to the entire magazine so that we can see photos of gay Vaishnavas mixed up with Indian boys kissing one another. The photos of homosexuals wearing tilak and sporting bead bags is wonderful publicity. A true spiritual master not only tolerates any activity but also encourages these things, as we have seen from Shrila Acharya Dave blessing same-sex marriages. Yes, you may please continue promoting your items for sale such as make-up, pink brahmana threads and brahmana underwear embroidered with flowers, and I will direct all ashrams to sell these things immediately.
I was so inspired to read about the activities of GALVA that I would like to see other undisciplined disciples banding together for mutual camaraderie. For rare mahatmas who are unable to refrain from meat-eating, there should be a Mamsa Club. Their newsletter can publish reviews of the best hot dogs at football games and hamburgers at golf courses. Why not? They can even have members working in slaughter houses wearing dhotis. Instead of playing kartals, they can keep the beat with butcher knives. After all, rules are only for people who like following them. Only pleasant, easy-to-follow rules should be enforced. The main principle in spiritual life is that you must be happy and do whatever you like. I think that you GALVA members have understood this well.
There should also be a Gamblers and Mental Speculators Association (GAMSA) for our devotees who have this tiny flaw of making up their own philosophy and foisting it on the public as the absolute truth, just as you do. We will be happy to provide them with unlimited wealth so that they can gamble it away.
Of course, the Drunken Vaishnava Association should have its annual New Year's Eve Bash and Hangover festival. In that way all of you various clubs and associations that have exempted yourselves from the regulative principles can work together to fight the narrow-minded prejudice of the ashram neophytes and bring them up to your level of spiritual advancement. As you have mentioned, when such various clubs are big enough, you may all get together and install deities of the lord of Kali Yuga, Kali himself, for worship. I approve of your name for it and it fits you perfectly: Supporters Under Kali's Church (SUKC).
As you know, Vaishnavas continue their activities life after life. Therefore in your next lives, you are blessed to be able to preach this wonderful philosophy that you have concocted to the Yamaduttas, who certainly will be eager to hear it! I have heard that there are many gay Yamaduttas and they will certainly wish to celebrate their sexuality with you GALVA members. That is something you may all look forward to.
