This year, we have faced increasing challenges in fulfilling our managerial role on behalf of the Society. As both the Global Ecclesiastical Authority and the Ultimate Managing Authority, we must strive for balance between the realms of the sacred and secular.
In order to achieve this proper balance and reaffirm the sacrosanct authority of the Governing Body Commission, we have appointed a new brahminical committee who will be responsible for re-translating the Bhagavad-gita and Srimad Bhagavatam. Each sloka will be presented in both Sanskrit, Russian and biblical Hebrew, and all purports will be footnoted with corresponding guidelines from highly acclaimed business management books. The completed work will be published in an ultra-slim edition, printed in very small letters that can read by only the most diligent of devotees.
Temple Presidents will be responsible for interpreting and carrying out the instructions contained within this new text, with the assistance of their local GBC. This text shall replace all existing GBC Resolutions and Guidelines on temple management and guru-tattva. To support this effort, a seminar series will be conducted in which the new manifesto is presented, along with workshops on Guerilla Marketing and the Carnegie classic, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Attendance is strongly encouraged.